changes

it has been kaotic lately with lots of changes, most of them i don't like.  numerous people i know are retiring and moving on.  first, i don't like change, and second, i don't get to retire.  and one of my dearest friends is moving far, far away and i know i'll never see her again.  and my daughter-in-law and grandson have moved back to florida.  i've become quite fond of the grandson and we'll miss the grow into his teen years.  but, if i think about it , that might be ok.  it all makes me sad.  and eat too much ice cream.

also, my first wedding anniversary was this week.  good grief, has it been a year?!!  i have to admit it didn't feel very significant and we decided not to buy each other gifts but purchased reed fencing to cover a wire fence that separates us from our neighbor on one side.  how practical.  we did exchange cute cards and i got carnations, my favorite, but it was because he pissed me off and he knew i had a right to be pissed off.  he's gotten pretty good about knowing when he's pissed me off but also why.  i consider that an attribute. 

but life moves on and i'm healing nicely and have picked a house redecorating project for the summer and am looking forward to starting the project.  i'll have to do it in stages and need some help for parts of it.  sometimes i get myself overwhelmed by a project because i want it all at once.  but breaking it down into stages makes it more manageable and helps makes some of the decisions that are lingering.  i've decided on a paint color, a pretty light turquoise, and i know i want the floor to be light in color and moppable.  i'm currently looking at stick on linoleum tiles.  this should brighten this little room up and make it a place i want to go into.  and to make it better, my husband is letting me throw out his big corner desk that is old, ugly and takes up alot of space.  yeah! 

so while i am sad about all the people changes i'm pretty excited about changing the look of my surroundings this summer.  what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.  what a bunch of crap!

birthday

today is my birthday.  i am 59.  i have no idea how in the hell i got to be 59.  it doesn't help that i just stopped keeping track of my age many years ago and birthdays were just a day that everyone could give me presents and i could eat ice cream and cake.  ok, i do that even when it's not my birthday.  i got lots of birthday wishes and know that i am loved.  but i'm really feeling this one.  that makes me almost 60.  good grief, 60!!!  ok, it is better that most everyone i know in my age group is older but that doesn't make me feel any better.  i guess i'm mostly afraid of being more and more physically damaged as more time goes by.  it is one of my biggest fears, getting old and not being healthy.  but i can say that this surgery was most successful and i got a butt lift out of it.  and i will eventually be healed and can do more than i could before.  my biggest goal is to be strong and healthy again. 

i return to work on tuesday after having been out for 3 months recovering from major back surgery.  this is what i have learned from being wounded for so long.

you cannot imagine how traumatic major surgery is unless you've had it or taken care of someone else who has.  i was most naive as to how much pain and trauma have a disc replacement would be.  and the amount of pain meds needed is frightening.

my dogs are much more protective when i'm wounded.  i would be totally medicated but be aware that i was surrounded by my 3 dogs.  one of them, riley, would follow me around the house any time i oved.  he is my biggest supporter during floor stretching exercise, which i do 2-3 times a day, as we are the same height when i lay on the floor and he always comes and rubs noses with me.  he can be in a different part of the house and can hear me groan when i get down on the floor, and here he comes.  then he stands guard until i get up and he made it clear to the other dogs that this is his special time.  it is.
that moms need to have a purpose when one of their children is wounded.  she couldn't really do much to help but was always available to drive me to any appts etc.  her driving makes me want to scream out loud but she does fine and i have to remember she's getting older and drives like all the other little old people in paradise. 

that i am loved and there were many people who checked on me regularly.  it's probably what kept me sane as this recovery was a bitch and a half.

coming off narcotics when you've been on them for the better part of a year for pain is not attractive and made me incredibly bitchy.  such a change in my personality...........

and i'm glad i apologized to my husband before any of this got started cuz i knew i was gonna be a bitch before it was over.  not that i am any other time.  but i only ripped his head off a couple of times and if he'd been listening he would have seen it coming.  he's so male.  i love him madly.

it speaks to me

i live in a medium small community and the shopping is not the best.  so when we got a new marshalls it was a big deal.  so my mother and i have been planning a trip to check out the new shopping opportunity, which we did yesterday.  my  mommy bought me two new dresses for my upcoming birthday, i am delighted.  i regress to 10 years old when my mommy buys me something new.  yeah me!

one my favorite areas of big stores that carry a little bit of everything is, of course, home decor.  sometimes i know what i'm looking for but generally i just want to see what's out there.  every so often i come across a piece that speaks to me and there is not a moment of doubt that i know exactly where it will fit into my home.  yesterday i scored one of those pieces.  it a tall cylinderical, clear glass vase that has bare trees with little birds in black painted on it.  it looks fabulous in the place i envisioned and it only cost me $13.   i love a deal. 

i think it's important to change/add to our home environments regularly.  it keeps the senses awake and improves the way we feels about our surroundings.  there are so many places we have to be, our homes should be a place we want to be and renews our energy.  so when you see that 'anything' that speaks to you, and it's not expensive and could just be cut flowers from your yard, seize the moment.  we all need as many moments of delight that we can get.

debt free

while it appears that i have my life under control, ok, you people who know me need to stop laughing, i have had many changes in my life the past 4-5 years.  some people need to be thanked for this but i don't want his ego to get totally out of control.  ok, my therapist.  sometimes we all need to admit that we are too lost to find out way alone. 

4 years ago i was in credit card debt totally over $17,000.  officially today i am credit card debit FREE.  i thought i would never get out from under and now i am.  i turned all my credit debt over to a company called take charge america (takechargeamerica.org).  they have contracts with every credit company around and negotiate the interest rate and payments.  i make one payment a month, which certainly was less than i was paying trying to pay everything, yes, they did get a small free per month for all this, but i would do it again.  they told me it would take 4 years and today the last payment came out of my checking account.  i feel like a huge boulder has fallen from my shoulders.  i wish i could just spend this money but alas just staying alive costs so much more.  not just utilities, but groceries, gas, and the cost of my medical insurance is plain ole stupid.  i'm pretty much working for benefits and retirement.  but now there will be more money to make life a little easier. 

oh, i so want new curtains for my bedroom.  i deserve them.

summer decor

we're well into spring, looking forward to summer.  we've had a particularly warm spring, more summerlike, and i'm trapped at home recovering so the bright sunny days have started my summer decor transition earlier this year ususally waiting until memorial day weekend.  yeh!!!

this morning i got and wandered into the living room and was totally freaked out.  not by any disaster but by the amount of light in the room.  yesterday my husband helped me take down all the heavy winter drapery and put up the patterned sheers.  sheers work for my main windows because my property is surrounded by large trees, six 100' oaks just for starters, and gives alot of privacy.  my living room is large, 16'x20', and the primary wall has two large windows on it so the light pouring into the room now is alot but fabulous.  all the drapery for those windows are made to be a wall of fabric.  now it's a wall of daylight.  by tomorrow i won't even notice how different the room looks.  in addition to the big windows there is a large window and a matching window in the dining room and those dark curtains came down too.  i have a couple of different options for these windows and this year that are dressed in beautiful floral sheers.  the pretty blue sofa pillows have replaced the cranberry ones that match the winter drapery.  the houseplants have been moved outside so there is open space and some furniture has been moved around.  the room feels more open and light and i like the room which is indeed the most important aspect of decorating your rooms. 

pretty affordable drapery/curtains are readily available.  my favorite place to shop for curtains is penneys, huge selection, but finances easily come into play.  i have options for covering my windows so i'll hold out for a more expensive drape if i really want them but kmart and walmart both have a nice selection of budget friendly options and i certainly have purchased their products depending on my needs.  and there are great options at pier one and world market.  and pay attention at yard sales.  i know it's how i sell really nice drapery when i get tired of it and want something new.  know where your high end neighborhoods are, they can afford the good stuff and i know a number of people who don't think a thing of getting rid of nice stuff for not much.  it's good to appreciate when you can have nice things.  not everyone who can do.  score for me. 

next project for the summer season is to change out some of my displays pieces.  it's fun to open up the storage in the laundry room and see what i've got stashed to bring out.  updating your decor is instant gratification.  i love instant gratification.

summertime and landscaping

like most of us, i love instant gratification.  it's what the nurseries plan on this time of year.  we need to throw off the cold and gray and fill our lives with color.  flowers make this easy.  my porch, which measures 10'x20', is covered wtih pots of new color that make my day.  as i sit at home recovering from back surgery i go nearly nuts because there are so many things i cannot do outside by myself.  hell, i can't do most of it with help.  i find this infuriating as i've always taken care of what i want.  so this weekend my mission was to get the always wonderful husband and the 'very much 16' grandson to cut down a tree.  not a big tree, we are surrounded by 100' oaks, but one that blocks light coming into a small room and is a blight nexxt to the porch.  the husbnd doesn't see any problem with the tree but i want it gone and sooner or later, if i really want something, i'll get it.  i don't badger all at once, it's a slow process until he thinks it's a good idea.  how in the hell did i get so compromising.  and i lured the grandson into thinking it's gonna be fun.  i thought it should be cut down in sections, taking the top part accessible from the porch, which is elevated, first and then finishing it off.  it was pointed out that it was all about the 'thump' and the whole tree needed to come down at once.  since they're both male, i don't know why i would be surprised by this revelation.  so i let them cut it down however they wanted as long as it came down.  the thump wasn't as dramatic they would have like, but who cares, the tree is down and i'm thrilled.  there another tree next the one that came down.  while most of the tree is above the porch cover there is a bunch of little branches that need to come off and one bigger limb will clear them out.  the grandson is all over this one cuz he gets to stand on the porch railing.  i tell him if he falls off i'm gonna be mad cuz his mother will not like it if we let him get hurt on our watch.  he assures me he can handle.  of course, afterall, he is male.  they lop off the branch and voila, it looks fabulous.  in the area that is opened up are very large rhodederans (sp) which are blooming like mad.  so the nasty trees and gone and it makes the porch look much cleaner and open and gets some sunlight at that end so more plants can live down there and we can enjoy the rhodies from the porch.  and the little room does get more light, though not as much as i would like, but better.  we take what we can get.  it's time to get outside and clean up our overgrown bushes and clean things up.  it's like decorating your home, it needs to be someplace you and go and renew.

seasonal color

i live in the foothills of the sierra nevada mountains, i love it here.  my property has six 80 ft oaks that make a wonderful canopy.  this is good in the summer but they make a big fucking mess in the fall.  all of them are in full leaf.  as i gaze out the big picture window in my living room it a nice change to see the trees bright and green.  the light outside today is kinda gray and has that surreal effect.  having more down time this spring has given me the opporunity to appreciate the changes as they have occurred.   this location delays some spring bloomings, which is now. all the dogwoods have just bloomed and it just makes me smile they're so beautiful.  and alot of our yards plant a pink and a white dogwood, i want that.  and the azaleas are blooming as well as lilacs.   color is good for us.  we all need to take a moment and appreciate the beauty that surrounds us for such  short period of time.  i didn't buy any new plantings last summer, but this summer is going to have plenty of color.  take a minute to buy a pretty plant, put it in a nice pot, put it on your porch and appreciate it every time you come home.  bet it makes you smile. 

first summer weekend

the weather the past weekend was perfect.  the first summerlike temperatures of the season.  it was fabulous, and i was in pain the whole time.  i am not a winter person at all and i've been wounded all winter so this was like a ray of warm and hope.  the first thing off were my shoes.  my feet like to be naked.  i put on something light and airy and found a spot in the sun and sucked up as much warmth as i could get. 

i started by buying flowers at the nursery.  i didn't need to go crazy and was picky about what to spend my money on.  sometimes we wind up buying flowers without a game plan and then our vision doesn't come out the way we invisioned it.  i knew which pots i wanted to plant in, which plants didn't make the winter, and i desperatedly wanted color on the patio.  i bought a large martha washington geranium in wonderful plum colors, as well as a traditional bright orange one, bright red ranoculous, a peach hibiscus, pink carnations and a bunch of golden marigolds in different sizes to fill a large container.  it looks wonderful.  i'm currently on the hunt for double impatiens and that'll probably do it for awhile.  i love just standing at the screeen door and looking at the new additions.  and to make to it better, my husband was home all weekend helping me, picking up heavy stuff is not something i can do right now, and trimming the 20' english laurels that surround the yard.  we ran errands together, did house stuff and it was the best time i've had in a long time. 

it seems that all the planets lined up perfectly this weekend.  god always seems to know when i'm hanging on by a thread.  

summer

hot damn!  the sun is out and the weather is warm, summerlike.  yeah!  i realize it's only temporary and the weatherman is just messing with me but i'll take it.  i'm barefoot, the doors are open, i'm wearing summer clothes, and the dogs all have found a spot in the sun just like an old cat.  they don't care that i'm referring to them as old cats cuz all of us feel better with the warm weather.  it's like being reborn.  i might be in some level of pain all the time but my brain feels better, if nothing else.  some part of this day will have me stretched out in the yard getting some sun, to hell with skin cancer.  someone made the comment that would the reflection off all that white skin confuse airplanes flying over.   screw them.  now i want to tear down the winter curtains and put up the beautiful sheers but it's a little early and i sure can't take on the project and i've got the husband helping me with planting flowers.  he's only good for one project at a time.  so i'm going to cling to the weather while we've got it and live in the hope that summer is just around the corner.

the neglected room

alot of us have a spare bedroom that serves multiple purposes and is neglected.  ok, i have one.  it's a small bedroom that serves as the office and collector of all kinds of stuff.  while it has been reorganized to function better a couple of times it is not a welcoming room to be in.  it has a large corner desk, that came with the new husband, and a nice smaller desk that is currently covered with piles of who knows what.  it is always on my to-do list to get this room to be more livable.  it is moving up the list pretty quickly for this summer.  the biggest problem is my limited abilities until my back heals and that i will need to enlist my husband for assistance.  oh dear.

the room is currently painted yellow, chosen because i had enough paint in that color to paint that room.  i'm not sure what color i want as i have more trouble picking colors for myself than for other people.  the other issue is there are two trees outside the window that blocks light from coming in.  personally, i find this is the main reason i find this room unwelcoming.  natural light makes a room.  these trees are not too big to come down and i see that happening even if i'm out there with a steak knife hacking at them a little at a time.  the next battle will trying to get the husband to give up the big ugly corner computer desk.  what with laptops we don't use the computer in that room very often and dont need the big desk.  but i would like to use the printer that is attached in there for a variety of projects including printing out wedding pics and putting together our wedding album.  and it would be nice to set up a project, ie  sewing machine, and not have it take over the dining table.  so the plan will be to repaint, rip up the nasty purple carpet and put down floor tiles, pare down the furniture and file the stuff we need to keep and throw out what we don't need.  i'm thinking that pile will be the biggest.  i'll post before and after pics.  and it will be nice to have a new bright functional room that is a waste of space.  and i love instant gratification.  i'm looking forward to the change.  change is good for us.

spring weather

ok, it's spring but i want it to be warmer, i'm ready for summer.  bright open windows, sheer floaty curtains, changing the decor to more summmery colors.  however, even as the days are longer it is gray and cold outside.  the spring flowers are bravely pushing their little heads out which is always inspiring and i love that you can pick up a bunch of daffodils at the grocery store for not much money.  there are a wonderful addition to my rooms and make me feel better.  i think it's just the light, bright colors that add hope.  lord knows i need as much hope as i can get.  my back surgery recovery is arduous.  i went to get new xrays and to see the surgeon.  i am stunned at the number and size of the screws holding my spine together.  good grief.  however, i feel that since they are do damned big my spine should hold together pretty well.  the high point of that whole outing was that bob, the xray tech, told me he had the same surgery a couple of years ago and he and his family went skiing over the easter weekend.  it was the most inspiring info i've had in all this.  the surgeon says everything looks good and sent me of to physical therapy.  not surprisingly, i hurt like a bitch the next day.  recovery sucks.

surviving in spite of myself

the sun is sneaking between the clouds today.  i'm sitting in my jammies in the living room enjoying the sun streaking through the cranberry color of the drapery and reflected off the plants.  the little dogs are all napping in a spot of sunshine.  if there was a spot big enough for me i'd do it too.  i'm getting around better but every day is new and i just never know how i'll feel from morning till evening.  i start physical therapy in a couple of days so that should be interesting.  in addition to the healing of my back surgery i developed tendenitis in my right wrist.  of course i'm right handed.  surprisingly the pain meds i take for my back do not dampen the pain in the wrist so i broke down and went to another doctor's appt.  now i could barely move my thumb and could not press down on the side of my wrist without a little scream........the screaming and whimpering going on that could probably be heard in the lobby as the doctor moved my thumb around and pushed on the wrist was from me.  he hurt me!!  and, lucky me, the treatment for this is a cortizone shot in the wrist.  i've been shot up in my knee and spine, i figure this will be a breeze.  did i mention the screaming and crying........keep breathing, don't pass out.  and i didn't even get a cute bandaid.  it does feel a little better today and i don't scream out loud when i move my thumb so that's a good thing and he said it would be better in a couple of days.  thank heavens there's some pain relief out there for soemthing.  cling to that little stuff.

i knew my back surgery recovery would take a long time and i would be at home for longer than i can remember.  hence, the updating of the household decor and arrangement.  i knew in advance i would need to comfort of my surroundings.   and i seem to think i can take on projects, after all, i'm at home with nothing to do.  but i find recovery takes alot outta me.  i'm generally tired and wear out easily.  i get up feeling pretty good and think i can putz around the house doing stuff.  my back doesn't like that much and lets me know pretty quickly.  this annoys me.  the hardness thing for me to do is rest.  so i'm going to sit here and watching the sun drift in and out of the clouds, listen to the windchimes tinkling out on the porch and pet a little dog

bright shiny thing

hot damn!!!  the sun is out!!!  it might be cool outside but i've opened some windows and front door is standing open to let some fresh air in and so the little dogs can wander in and out and shake off soem of their cabin fever.  my back hurts and i had a bad night's sleep, the leg couldn't find a comfortable spot, but my i feel better today and it's all about the sun being out.  i'm sure i'm not the only one who feels better today.  unofrtuanately i've noticed all the windows are dirty.  i sure hope someone washes those soon.  when i was a teenager, we'd do almost anything, and do a good job, to earn a few bucks, but i don't know know any of those.  my new grandson and his mother are returning to florida in a few months or i'd train him this summer.  i'm sad they're leaving.  hopefully by summer i'll be able to take care of some of the projects i want done.  i'm going to go wander the yard with the dogs for some exercise and fresh air before it starts to really cool.  i hope today's sunshine has added to everyone vision.

stir crazy

while i love being at home living in jammies, it's getting old that i continue to be broken.  there is very little i can actually do and i am bored to tears.  tv is boring, though i do enjoy 'the talk' that comes on at 1pm as it reminds me if going to lunch with my friends, i tired of reading, i can't really do anything around the house without hurting myself, and it will not stop raining.  perfect weather for me to be trapped inside but i'm going crazy.  thank heavens everyone that lives in the household loves me as i'm generally whiney and morose.  and to make it worse, there is something wrong with my right wrist that keeps me from using it, typing is painful.  this also stops me from coloring.  yes coloring.  i planned to buy a princess color book but never got around to it but i have these great print out from a really funky color book that have alot of 3 dimensional and kalidoscope kinda stuff.  and i have a bunch of colored pencils from doing design projects.  and, to add to all the joy, the right side of my back is having spasms.  this is not a good thing and the surgeon is having me come back in.  it's a good thing i don't live on a busy street with fast moving traffic or i'd be thinking about throwing myself in front of something large and fast moving.  and being in the house all day makes me think of house projects that i'd like to do.  no, polishing the furniture isn't one of them, it just needs to be done.  i made the mistake of going to the grocery store by myself and discovered the hard way that you use your back manuveuring a grocery cart around.  so all i have to look forward to is multiple doctor's appts and not good news.  but i am loved by many people including 3 small furry ones so i'll cling to that. 

getting older

my goal was to age gracefully but this does not seem to be what's happening.  it maks me sad.  i just wanted to get older and not be sick or broken so that my old age would not be a burden to myself, much less someone else.  i want to be healthy, active, feel good and not pee my pants without warning.  but i have not hit 60 yet and feel quite broken and not healthy. 

i've lost 100 lbs in the past two years.  i wanted my health and self respect back.  i felt i was reaching a major accomplishment.  it did not come easily and without help but i did it.  and to frost the cake, i fell in love which i never would ever happen in my life.  while i've been married, a couple of times, and others but it wasn't until later in life i that i realized what loving someone, and being loved in return, could be actual reality.  there's something kinda sad about not knowing that until i got older, thank god it happened.  it was easily one of my biggest fears.  htat i would come to the end of my life and not feel loved for exactly who i am, and loving someone else the same way and feeling secure in aspect of my life.   

but my next ibggest fear is now becoming a reality which is getting older with some kind of major health issue.  i have spinal problems that will most probably run the rest of my life.  not only the disc replacement surgery but teh spine is riddled with artritis and scrolisis.  fuck!!!  while i know that this will heal and i;ll do pretty well, it will always be a battle.  i don't want pain to be part of my future.  i don't know how to handle this but it makes me scared and sad.  thank heavens i have lots of people who love me.  i think we all need to remember that more often. 

good parts about being broken

it has been a full month since the back surgery.  it's been a long month, i am exhausted, whiney and taking alot of meds, which i don't like to do, the taking meds parts not the whiney.  today as i stood at the window watching the rain i realized i did not have go out in the rain for any reason.  i hate winter.  i hate being cold.  i now realize the best part of currently being broken is that i do not have to get up early in the cold, get dressed, warm up a cold car, and battle the weather to get to work.  hot damn!!!!!!   i hate doing all of those things.  it rained hard this afternoon, during my nap, which would have been the time i had to drive home.  lucky me.  ya gotta cling to the cheap thrills.  and there is something to say about living in jammies too. 

yesterday i had a doctor's appt, now there's something wrong with my wrist (kill me now), and everyone was busy and i had to drive myself.  this was my first outing alone.  the other errands i needed to do i did before the appt cuz i knew i would be tired by the time it was over, and i was.  now i have to find out what wrongs with my wrist.  there is some theory both by my primary and the surgeon is that sometimes during long surgeries, mine was 4 hours flat on  my face, body parts wind up in off positions and are quite sore afterward.  i don't care, i can't cope with more than one big pain at a time and i've been positiviely weepy.  i really hate that too.  obviously my attitude continues to be 'fussy'. 

now if i can bend over long enough to cut my toenails.  they're looking deadly.

the woes of recovery

i am most probably the most whiney person alive today.  im trying to wean myself from all the meds and it is not easy.  i feel very fragile and am afraid my back will go into spasm any minute.  i live in jammies and get nothing productive done.  doing laundry is a daunting task.  my saving grace is the little dogs being concerned and will always take a nap with me.  and every few days a sweet get well card comes in the mail.  they make my whole day.  while delighted i'm not surprised who they come from as they are not from the people i see very often but have a wonderful loving relationshps.  just this moring i was weepy and feeling very sorry for myself when one of these cards caem in the mail.  i felt so loved.  god bless her. 

recoving from something big and painful is the pits.  it takes so much energy.  but i know eventually i'll heal and move on.  getttng old and being broken and looking forward to contining skeletal/health problems is in the top  of my biggest fears.  but it gives a whole new meaning to people who are constantly in pain.  i't easy to see why how they become alcohoics and drug addicts and their lives turnn to total despair.  it's got to be the worst and i should feel guilty for being so whiney for my recoery but right now i don't care how anyone else feels except for me.  i am selfish right now and i don't care.  thank heavens there are people who love me in spite of myself.

more recovery

it is a relief to know what day of the week it is and can distinguish day from night but i still take a lot of narcotic meds.  it kinda scares me it takes this amount of meds to keep the potential pain i could have under control.  and i hurt on some level all the time.  and take plenty of naps.  before the surgery i was feeling lost in my life.  or at least in my working life.  i'm tired of the job i have but have little to no options.  i am the main bread winner in the family, and am the one who earns all the retirement funds and the insurance.  but i love the people i work with and can get away with stuff i would never get away with anywhere else.  i don't take advantage but know my worth to the department.  i'm wondering if this time i have to be down with my back surgery recovery is the time i'm suppose take to figure out my direction.  wonderfully, the new marriage, while sometimes a challenge, is doing well and we both feel secure.  how can i feel so lost.

recovery

about 3 weeks ago i had major back surgery.  removed a collasped disc, replaced it and bolted the whole thing back together.  to make it worse, the nerves were wedged between the discs on the right and the nerves on the left were wadded up and had to be straighten.  oh yeah!!  4 days in hte hospital, lots of pain killer.  and that 3rd day when all the surgery pain killers wear off give the pain level 10 a whole new meaning.  thank heavens i had wondeful nurses.  i'm still looking at about 8 weeks of recovery but i have to say i enjoy living in jammies.  the morphine has been cut in half and the inflammation meds for the nerve endings is being cut back too but, hey, norco is the kicker pill.  good grief.  i don't understand why my fingers have a problem finding the correct keys and you're think i'l know exactly where the backspace key is by now but no.   but i sit here in my recently rearranged living room and feel warm and cozy.  i'm glad i made a point of moving things around before i had the surgery.  i would think that being secure in your sourrondng during recovery is a good thing.  i'm always in some level of pain and i nap at least twice a day but feel it will only get better.  in fact, today i was able to lean over far enouhg to pick up dropped underwear. 

changes

i am broken and looking at major back surgery next week.  i have always had a house or yard project going for as long as i can remember.  due to the back i haven't had one in a very long time.  since i am a creative person this has been most difficult for me and i find miss not having a big project.  i love instant gratification.  so i whined and complained until the new husband helped me move the living room furniture around.  i had to have something new and beautiful in my life and you can do it with what you have.  my living room is large, longer than wider.  being that i am going to be spending the rest of the winter trapped inside recovering, and buying new furniture is not an option, moving it around and making it more cozy was the ticket.  we started by moving the tv to a different location, tucked in a corner that is hard to do anything with.  i liked it, let's move some furniture.  i always forget that moving the furniture around requires vacuuming under everything, and finding many partially chewed dog rawhide bones under the sofa, much to the delight of the dogs.  we moved the sofa the opposite wall and move the chairs out away from teh walls giving a good pathway behind them.  i was good with this.  but as with all changes, i need to tweak it.  my mother comes to look at the changes and i enlist her to help move the furniture around again.  no, i'm not suppose to be moving furniture at all.  i'm just helping and push nothing , sorta.  we move the sofa so that it's free standing and not against a wall and moved the chairs to the wall position.  i like that much better.  it creates a wonderful cozy room.  now the next layer.  when doing a room you have to remember to do it in layers.  as one layer finalizes, the next layer should evolve.  then i moved the tables around and collected all my cute stuff to put on them.  i get to see all the cute stuff i've got stashed and changing it around.  i must say, i have wonderful taste.  the room feels better by the minute.  now the next layer, the walls.  there is a big wall space now and i've always wanted to do a 'conglomerate' of pictures on a wall.  here's my chance.  we start out with the big antique mirror and on the table below it is my carved wooden chinese war horse, thor.  he's beautiful and is surrounded with chinese detailed candles.  i pull out all the artwork i've been saving for a place to hang it and they go up with exisiting pictures.  now i'm really happy.  the open window space has all the outside plants on tables in front of them, looks like a forest.  it's great and the plants are really happy.  there's more i want to add but that will evolve soon, especially since i'll be trapped in the house.  but i'm ready to jump into recovery in a nice cozy living room, and taht's what i wanted.