changes

it has been kaotic lately with lots of changes, most of them i don't like.  numerous people i know are retiring and moving on.  first, i don't like change, and second, i don't get to retire.  and one of my dearest friends is moving far, far away and i know i'll never see her again.  and my daughter-in-law and grandson have moved back to florida.  i've become quite fond of the grandson and we'll miss the grow into his teen years.  but, if i think about it , that might be ok.  it all makes me sad.  and eat too much ice cream.

also, my first wedding anniversary was this week.  good grief, has it been a year?!!  i have to admit it didn't feel very significant and we decided not to buy each other gifts but purchased reed fencing to cover a wire fence that separates us from our neighbor on one side.  how practical.  we did exchange cute cards and i got carnations, my favorite, but it was because he pissed me off and he knew i had a right to be pissed off.  he's gotten pretty good about knowing when he's pissed me off but also why.  i consider that an attribute. 

but life moves on and i'm healing nicely and have picked a house redecorating project for the summer and am looking forward to starting the project.  i'll have to do it in stages and need some help for parts of it.  sometimes i get myself overwhelmed by a project because i want it all at once.  but breaking it down into stages makes it more manageable and helps makes some of the decisions that are lingering.  i've decided on a paint color, a pretty light turquoise, and i know i want the floor to be light in color and moppable.  i'm currently looking at stick on linoleum tiles.  this should brighten this little room up and make it a place i want to go into.  and to make it better, my husband is letting me throw out his big corner desk that is old, ugly and takes up alot of space.  yeah! 

so while i am sad about all the people changes i'm pretty excited about changing the look of my surroundings this summer.  what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.  what a bunch of crap!

birthday

today is my birthday.  i am 59.  i have no idea how in the hell i got to be 59.  it doesn't help that i just stopped keeping track of my age many years ago and birthdays were just a day that everyone could give me presents and i could eat ice cream and cake.  ok, i do that even when it's not my birthday.  i got lots of birthday wishes and know that i am loved.  but i'm really feeling this one.  that makes me almost 60.  good grief, 60!!!  ok, it is better that most everyone i know in my age group is older but that doesn't make me feel any better.  i guess i'm mostly afraid of being more and more physically damaged as more time goes by.  it is one of my biggest fears, getting old and not being healthy.  but i can say that this surgery was most successful and i got a butt lift out of it.  and i will eventually be healed and can do more than i could before.  my biggest goal is to be strong and healthy again. 

i return to work on tuesday after having been out for 3 months recovering from major back surgery.  this is what i have learned from being wounded for so long.

you cannot imagine how traumatic major surgery is unless you've had it or taken care of someone else who has.  i was most naive as to how much pain and trauma have a disc replacement would be.  and the amount of pain meds needed is frightening.

my dogs are much more protective when i'm wounded.  i would be totally medicated but be aware that i was surrounded by my 3 dogs.  one of them, riley, would follow me around the house any time i oved.  he is my biggest supporter during floor stretching exercise, which i do 2-3 times a day, as we are the same height when i lay on the floor and he always comes and rubs noses with me.  he can be in a different part of the house and can hear me groan when i get down on the floor, and here he comes.  then he stands guard until i get up and he made it clear to the other dogs that this is his special time.  it is.
that moms need to have a purpose when one of their children is wounded.  she couldn't really do much to help but was always available to drive me to any appts etc.  her driving makes me want to scream out loud but she does fine and i have to remember she's getting older and drives like all the other little old people in paradise. 

that i am loved and there were many people who checked on me regularly.  it's probably what kept me sane as this recovery was a bitch and a half.

coming off narcotics when you've been on them for the better part of a year for pain is not attractive and made me incredibly bitchy.  such a change in my personality...........

and i'm glad i apologized to my husband before any of this got started cuz i knew i was gonna be a bitch before it was over.  not that i am any other time.  but i only ripped his head off a couple of times and if he'd been listening he would have seen it coming.  he's so male.  i love him madly.

it speaks to me

i live in a medium small community and the shopping is not the best.  so when we got a new marshalls it was a big deal.  so my mother and i have been planning a trip to check out the new shopping opportunity, which we did yesterday.  my  mommy bought me two new dresses for my upcoming birthday, i am delighted.  i regress to 10 years old when my mommy buys me something new.  yeah me!

one my favorite areas of big stores that carry a little bit of everything is, of course, home decor.  sometimes i know what i'm looking for but generally i just want to see what's out there.  every so often i come across a piece that speaks to me and there is not a moment of doubt that i know exactly where it will fit into my home.  yesterday i scored one of those pieces.  it a tall cylinderical, clear glass vase that has bare trees with little birds in black painted on it.  it looks fabulous in the place i envisioned and it only cost me $13.   i love a deal. 

i think it's important to change/add to our home environments regularly.  it keeps the senses awake and improves the way we feels about our surroundings.  there are so many places we have to be, our homes should be a place we want to be and renews our energy.  so when you see that 'anything' that speaks to you, and it's not expensive and could just be cut flowers from your yard, seize the moment.  we all need as many moments of delight that we can get.

debt free

while it appears that i have my life under control, ok, you people who know me need to stop laughing, i have had many changes in my life the past 4-5 years.  some people need to be thanked for this but i don't want his ego to get totally out of control.  ok, my therapist.  sometimes we all need to admit that we are too lost to find out way alone. 

4 years ago i was in credit card debt totally over $17,000.  officially today i am credit card debit FREE.  i thought i would never get out from under and now i am.  i turned all my credit debt over to a company called take charge america (takechargeamerica.org).  they have contracts with every credit company around and negotiate the interest rate and payments.  i make one payment a month, which certainly was less than i was paying trying to pay everything, yes, they did get a small free per month for all this, but i would do it again.  they told me it would take 4 years and today the last payment came out of my checking account.  i feel like a huge boulder has fallen from my shoulders.  i wish i could just spend this money but alas just staying alive costs so much more.  not just utilities, but groceries, gas, and the cost of my medical insurance is plain ole stupid.  i'm pretty much working for benefits and retirement.  but now there will be more money to make life a little easier. 

oh, i so want new curtains for my bedroom.  i deserve them.

summer decor

we're well into spring, looking forward to summer.  we've had a particularly warm spring, more summerlike, and i'm trapped at home recovering so the bright sunny days have started my summer decor transition earlier this year ususally waiting until memorial day weekend.  yeh!!!

this morning i got and wandered into the living room and was totally freaked out.  not by any disaster but by the amount of light in the room.  yesterday my husband helped me take down all the heavy winter drapery and put up the patterned sheers.  sheers work for my main windows because my property is surrounded by large trees, six 100' oaks just for starters, and gives alot of privacy.  my living room is large, 16'x20', and the primary wall has two large windows on it so the light pouring into the room now is alot but fabulous.  all the drapery for those windows are made to be a wall of fabric.  now it's a wall of daylight.  by tomorrow i won't even notice how different the room looks.  in addition to the big windows there is a large window and a matching window in the dining room and those dark curtains came down too.  i have a couple of different options for these windows and this year that are dressed in beautiful floral sheers.  the pretty blue sofa pillows have replaced the cranberry ones that match the winter drapery.  the houseplants have been moved outside so there is open space and some furniture has been moved around.  the room feels more open and light and i like the room which is indeed the most important aspect of decorating your rooms. 

pretty affordable drapery/curtains are readily available.  my favorite place to shop for curtains is penneys, huge selection, but finances easily come into play.  i have options for covering my windows so i'll hold out for a more expensive drape if i really want them but kmart and walmart both have a nice selection of budget friendly options and i certainly have purchased their products depending on my needs.  and there are great options at pier one and world market.  and pay attention at yard sales.  i know it's how i sell really nice drapery when i get tired of it and want something new.  know where your high end neighborhoods are, they can afford the good stuff and i know a number of people who don't think a thing of getting rid of nice stuff for not much.  it's good to appreciate when you can have nice things.  not everyone who can do.  score for me. 

next project for the summer season is to change out some of my displays pieces.  it's fun to open up the storage in the laundry room and see what i've got stashed to bring out.  updating your decor is instant gratification.  i love instant gratification.

summertime and landscaping

like most of us, i love instant gratification.  it's what the nurseries plan on this time of year.  we need to throw off the cold and gray and fill our lives with color.  flowers make this easy.  my porch, which measures 10'x20', is covered wtih pots of new color that make my day.  as i sit at home recovering from back surgery i go nearly nuts because there are so many things i cannot do outside by myself.  hell, i can't do most of it with help.  i find this infuriating as i've always taken care of what i want.  so this weekend my mission was to get the always wonderful husband and the 'very much 16' grandson to cut down a tree.  not a big tree, we are surrounded by 100' oaks, but one that blocks light coming into a small room and is a blight nexxt to the porch.  the husbnd doesn't see any problem with the tree but i want it gone and sooner or later, if i really want something, i'll get it.  i don't badger all at once, it's a slow process until he thinks it's a good idea.  how in the hell did i get so compromising.  and i lured the grandson into thinking it's gonna be fun.  i thought it should be cut down in sections, taking the top part accessible from the porch, which is elevated, first and then finishing it off.  it was pointed out that it was all about the 'thump' and the whole tree needed to come down at once.  since they're both male, i don't know why i would be surprised by this revelation.  so i let them cut it down however they wanted as long as it came down.  the thump wasn't as dramatic they would have like, but who cares, the tree is down and i'm thrilled.  there another tree next the one that came down.  while most of the tree is above the porch cover there is a bunch of little branches that need to come off and one bigger limb will clear them out.  the grandson is all over this one cuz he gets to stand on the porch railing.  i tell him if he falls off i'm gonna be mad cuz his mother will not like it if we let him get hurt on our watch.  he assures me he can handle.  of course, afterall, he is male.  they lop off the branch and voila, it looks fabulous.  in the area that is opened up are very large rhodederans (sp) which are blooming like mad.  so the nasty trees and gone and it makes the porch look much cleaner and open and gets some sunlight at that end so more plants can live down there and we can enjoy the rhodies from the porch.  and the little room does get more light, though not as much as i would like, but better.  we take what we can get.  it's time to get outside and clean up our overgrown bushes and clean things up.  it's like decorating your home, it needs to be someplace you and go and renew.

seasonal color

i live in the foothills of the sierra nevada mountains, i love it here.  my property has six 80 ft oaks that make a wonderful canopy.  this is good in the summer but they make a big fucking mess in the fall.  all of them are in full leaf.  as i gaze out the big picture window in my living room it a nice change to see the trees bright and green.  the light outside today is kinda gray and has that surreal effect.  having more down time this spring has given me the opporunity to appreciate the changes as they have occurred.   this location delays some spring bloomings, which is now. all the dogwoods have just bloomed and it just makes me smile they're so beautiful.  and alot of our yards plant a pink and a white dogwood, i want that.  and the azaleas are blooming as well as lilacs.   color is good for us.  we all need to take a moment and appreciate the beauty that surrounds us for such  short period of time.  i didn't buy any new plantings last summer, but this summer is going to have plenty of color.  take a minute to buy a pretty plant, put it in a nice pot, put it on your porch and appreciate it every time you come home.  bet it makes you smile.