the new year

thank heavens the christmas holidays are over.  i will not again put so much effort into trying to make everyone happy.  with the marriage came three daughters-in-law and 4 grandchildren.  i find it's easy to buy stuff for kids but the older ones..........from now on it's just a 'comfortable' sized (for me) money gift.  it takes up too much time and i don't have the energy to do all that again.  i usually don't do new year's resolutions but look at the new year as an opportunity to move forward, generally in a particular direction.  this year is to get my back fixed and pile up a bunch of money by the end of next year.  by april all of my debt will be paid off.  that's eliminates $424.28 from the household budget.  what to do with it all.........the main goal is to pay off the mortgage earlier.  if we do, i'll be able to retire at 65 and work part time.  i so want that now  but..........this summer we need to replace the patio cover, my sweet baboo needs hearing aids and i want to paint the kitchen cabinets.  and we'd just like to go to the movies once in awhile.  remember when popcorn was 10 cents.  i feel more content in my life than i have in a long time.  i'm in a stable relationship, which i have never had in my life, though it's a ongoing project.  and i believe it's my husband's first stable relationship also.  we have both learned alot.  me that i will not put up with certain behaviors and will stand up for my feelings, ok, and not be so bossy and controling, and him, he's had to learn to step up and take responsiblity and reevaluate some of his beliefs about how he fits into 'things'.  this has not hurt either one of us and we'ver learned alot about 'true love'.  i have never felt safe in a relationship and i'm feeling pretty safe these days.  i would not say this in front of my therapist as he'll want some credit for that.  he's already got such a big head.  but he worked hard to push me out of my comfort zone, and it wasn't pretty.  so the first thing is to get my back fixed, the lower disc being completely blown out but at least the upper back doesn't need surgery, yet.  i need to be able to take care of the business i want to take care of and i don't like waiting for someone to help me, though i've learned to ask, sometimes.  my little canoe is bobbing up and down in the water and i'm just hoping for few rapids this year.  i hope the same for everyone else.  really.