one month

who woulda thought i'd be excited about a one month wedding anniversary, not me!!  but i am.  i never, ever thought i would be in a stable relationship, hell i didn't even know what a stable relationship was, but i am.  and i find that i love this man more and more all the time.  surprisingly he feels more secure since the wedding and has taken on 'ownership' of his surroundings, which means he takes on chores that i would have had to ask to be done.  i don't really understand this but i'll take it.  it's wonderful.  he asked me if i didn't feel different since the wedding but i don't.  i was already committed.  we were going to spend the day together but i can't get the day off and now my honey bunny is home without me.  he'll wind up doing work for his job as usual.  but i am wearing my wedding underpants and the bracelet he bought me for a wedding gift.  so i've given up whining about being at work and will just bask in the security of being loved.

change of life

now that the nuputials are over my mind has many other places to go.  ok, some of them are a little crazy, but i don't think that's a bad thing.  one of my thought patterns has been to redecorate my home.  if it was up to me, and the finances, i would be changing out all the drapery/curtains every coupla years.  i'm there now but spending money on drapery is not on the list.  hopefully next year.  but i'm ready for new wall color.  my project this summer is to finish painting all the trim that wasn't painted originally, and putting down baseboard, which is not expensive.  i just like everything needs to be freshened up.  changing the colors are your walls is not difficult, not too expensive, and give you wonderful instant gratification.  i love instant gratificiation.  so do most people.  it's what makes us run out in the spring and buy flowers to plant.  the color makes us feel better.  i want my rooms to feel better.  ok, i want to feel better.  don't get me wrong, the new marriage is wonderful.  it is truly the first time in my life that i have felt unconditionally loved by another person.  dogs don't count cuz they love you no matter what.  people, not so much.  but i feel most content in my personal/love life than ever.  the man i married is wonderful and loves me exactly the way i am.  i have never had to act like someone i'm not and i made that deal with myself when i started dating him.  i spent too many years feeling not good enough and like damaged goods.  screw that, don't let other people dictate how you feel about yourself.  it ain't easy but it's worth the effort.  the number of changes in my life in the past few years has been substantial, but rarely easy.  some people get to take credit for alot of this but we don't want to let his ego get out of control.........but i feel lost right now.  i've been working at the same job too long.  while it's good to be queen, i just need soemhting different but really don't want to change the other aspects of my working life.  i would be lost not attending the thursday lunch group, my coworkers are alot like family and i am very fond of many of them, and i make, while not alot of money, a reasonable amount.  what i want is to work part time, what not's going to happen is that i can't work part time.  so i'm looking for a new avenue to travel down and don't have a clue where that avenue is.