the wedding is sneaking up on me quickly. old age must be slowing my reflexies. i think the only thing that keeps this from getting out of control is that we both want it and know what we want it to be. in spite of all this, my body has decided to turn on me and i am officially broken. the lower two vertibrae in my back will need surgery, have to take pain meds and have had a recent epidural, which as worked pretty well, and, ok, sometimes, i am a total delight to be around. and steve has been so patient with me. he's a saint or he's just saving up credits to be used at a later date. some days it would be ok to just shoot me in the head and get it over with. i understand better how people in constant pain become addicts. at least i can be repaired and this will all just be a phase of my life in the long run. but i've come to realize is that i'm not alone in this angst and i have a wedding coming up and i know it will all be fine. but damn it, right now i'm really bitchy and my back hurts today.
there has been a major change in the wedding entourage. sadly my friend, robin, cannot commit to being my maid of honor. she has changed states to care for a maturing mother and her life is kinda unsettled these days. she said she could not make the commitment i deserved for my wedding. i love robin. however, i've had a feeling about this for some time and realized i needed to give this some thought. the decision was easy once i thought about it. i am a strong believer that our souls are reincarnated and i feel sometimes we connect with certain people from the very beginning. my belief is that there was a relationship with this soul in another life and it just picks back up. even if i don't see that person very often the instant we're in each other's presence we pick back up. i have several friends i feel i have this connection with. so when it came time to truly think about a new maid of honor i instantly thought of my friend, julia. i have known julia for about 10 years and she became like a little sister. and she is the devil child that little sisters frequently are. she is most outrageous but with a heart that is soft, sweet and childlike. we are both every excited. it's gonna be interesting.
